i quit my job just 3 quarters of an hour ago!
the boss (lets call him paul – that being his real name) likes to delude himself into thinking he is a super-hero of the cafe world – in actual fact he doesnt drink coffee and couldnt organise his way out of a paper bag
lets get all the facts here
the man is in REAL ESTATE and thinks “oh it would be fun to run a cafe” so he buys a failing cafe – that has no frikken staff
so he employs me – experienced barista and waitress (i have in fact run my own cafe and managed others) to make coffee yup that is all
in the kitchen a young obese srilankan-australian with a foul mouth and an even fouler mind makes mediocre food which paul constantly picks on and a constant stream of swearing eminates from around the stove
before i got there the coffee was pre-ground hours in advance – no one knew how to clean the grinder – apparently i was the first person to do that
for the first week we didnt have enough coffee so the brilliant owner decides we buy it from the convenience store (at around $4 a litre) until we get a delivery (a week later) then when we run out of full fat we just use skim
all the while i am getting forcibly told how to clean the coffee machine and to pre-grind because apparently watching the grinder takes too much time (yes all this by someone who doesnt drink coffee)
so last night i covered my friend Ash’s shift so he could go home and see his wife and newborn son (he has worked so much he almost forgot what they looked like)
with some 10 tables and 2 floor staff it was a nightmare – not because it was busy but because it left us waaaay open for nit picking
“set that table” he says pointing his index finger to a half set table
“we don’t have enough cutlery to set all the tables” i state matter-of-factly
“so use the cutlery from some other table” i roll my eyes behind his back and take the cutlery form another table and move it over
“hey paul this candle is stuffed can i get another” i ask
“no there is nothing wrong with it” he lights the candle and the wick takes
“just leave it here and don’t touch it and it’ll burn down” 2 minutes later the tealight candle is dead again
i walk out onto the floor and pick up some used dishes which have been stacked by the customer and as i walk up to the pass a lone fork crashes to the floor
“if you can’t carry the dishes take more trips” he points out obviously in front of about 5 onlookers
i walk into the kitchen fuming and say “please don’t berate me infront of customers”
“they arent customers they are friends”
“i don’t care if you have a problem tell me in private not in front of the public” i say blushing
“if you have a problem take it up with me after”
*just relating that story makes me annoyed*
meanwhile i can carry about 12 dinner plates without a worry- IT WAS JUST A FUCKING FORK
aaaahhh this afternoon i was making a group of about 6 coffees and as i was making them i head ” can you fill up those water jugs” and i nod sure whatever
as i finish making the coffees i fill up the jugs and start putting away the glasses and cups that have come out of the sink
“GO finish making up the menu’s” he says
“how many things do you want me to do at once” i say pleading
“you want me to make coffee AND keep the water jugs always full AND take the rubbish out AND put away the glasses AND do the menu’s AND deliver drinks and food to table AND keep the area clean – i’m doing the best i can!”
“stop giving yourself extra jobs and just make the menu’s”
seriously this guy is such a wanker because you know as soon as i go up and start putting the menu’s together he cracks a shit becuase the cups werent put away
so ash and i talk about mutiny on the bounty and after the final insult i decide i have to go
” look – dont roster me on anymore. the micro managing is driving me crazy. i like you as a person but as a boss you are driving me nuts. ” i said with a flutter in my stomach and an attempt at a serious expression whilst meaning to say “you are the worst fucking employer i have ever had to deal with”
Paul looks slightly pained
“i see where this is going” the acne on his adult forehead reddens
“and in reality i’m going to give you some constructive critisism” his eyes go all crazy like and he takes a sip of water
“you’re too absorbed in your job and you’re spending too much time making coffee” i actually managed a half smile
“sure” i say “go on”
“and i’m sure ash will attest that we have had many complaints about your coffee”
i must have had a look of shock on my face because he wouldnt know good coffee if it smaked him in the face
“so you’ll have no problem if i take my shit and go then” i say with a smile
“no worries”
the funniest part of the whole situation is that he is now down to 1 person on the floor who hates his guts and doesn’t want to work there another second and its 2 days before new years
i actually took on board what he said and asked ash about the coffee – he shook his head and said i was the best barista they have had there because i take pride in my work and actually know what i’m talking about
its amazing that what paul said washed right over me – i really don’t care what he thinks because he’s clearly just a mental wanker!
ooooohhhhoooo
A Life Sublime 